Cameron’s a congo bongo if he thinks banning words will help to stop child abuse (video)

Don't call me a tit!

Don’t call me a tit!

David Cameron’s re-election strategy requires him to keep the Daily Mail editor and, by extension, the majority of the Mail’s engorged readership, acquainted with how he’s just an ordinary bloke who happens to be fighting their corner as PM. He achieves this glamourous feat by feeding the editor selected exclusive interviews, occasional attributed articles and by supporting a few of its ‘core values’ campaigns.

Prostituting themselves for positive exposure is in most politicians’ DNA but is still low rent, especially for a sitting PM and Cameron reached a new nadir today as he confirmed to the world that he’s an utter congo-bongo (defined in the urban dictionary  as a female breast).  His trek to the peak of that ‘challenging’ molehill was contained in his instruction to online media groups (initially via self-declared anti-porn tabloid The Daily Mail) that banning search terms is the “right thing to do” to fight the problem of child sex abuse and online images of paedophilia.

Apparently, Cameron’s expensive Eton and Oxford education did not equip him with the ability to comprehend that language is constantly evolving and criminals might simply start using more anodyne terms to hide their activities. In order to help our man of the people PM to see how ridiculous his scheme really is and to exemplify this point I have copied the following piece from the Urban Dictionary:

This is a song about words for boobs, 99 words to be specific:
“Jugs and orbs and darts and gourds
Elmer Fudds and bouncing Buddhas
Sweater stretchers, lung protectors
Beach umbrellas, frost detectors
Scooby Snacks and snake-eyes dice
Jell-o molds and high-beam lightsEvery day I probably use 99 words for boobsHumpty Dumplings, Hardy Boys
Double lattes, Ode to Joys
Hooters shooters, physics tutors
Bobbsey Twins and bald commuters
MRE’s and PFD’s
Snow-white dwarfs, Picasso cubes99 words for boobsGerber servers, holy grails
Whoopee cushions, humpback whales
Flying saucers, traffic stoppers
Super Big Gulps, Double Whoppers
Pillows, billows, Don DeLillos
Soft-serve cones and armadillos
Pimped-out hubcaps, inner tubes

99 words for boobs

Midget earmuffs, warming globes
Strobes and probes and frontal lobes
Knockers, honkers, knicker bonkers
Smurfs and Screaming Yellow Zonkers
Tannin’ cannons, Mister Bigs
Big bad wolves and Porky Pigs
Jogging partners, saline noobs

99 words for boobs

Two-point jumpers, Bambi’s Thumpers
Rubber baby buggy bumpers
Rutabagas, Chi Omegas
Schwag the showgirls show in Vegas
Congo bongos, bowling pins
Fast-pitch softballs, Siamese twins

Those are 99 words for boobs”

Video © BBC / Hat Trick Productions

As well as Cameron, The Daily Mail claimed “victory” today in the faux war against pornography*. Even pyrrhic victories have many fathers it seems.

Video © BBC

As ever, the Mail could not stop itself from underlining its own hypocrisy on the subject by including their own favourite sub-porn titillating photos in a strange case of unknowing self-parody on the same page as their crowing story about their ‘victory’ over online pornography:

GOTCHA! War on Online Porn: It was the Daily Mail what won it…by getting rid of their competition?

GOTCHA! War on Online Porn: It was the Daily Mail what won it…by getting rid of their competition?

Tory policy makers The Daily Mail, the Spectator, The Daily Express and The Telegraph are fighting having the ethical oversight of the kind suggested by Lord Leveson on the grounds of various ‘freedoms’; Freedom of the press, freedom of speech, freedom of expression etc.  How ironic then that they do not want the public to have those same freedoms.
What will the Daily Mail suggest for David ‘Porky Pigs’ Cameron to do next? A little book burning perhaps? Good grief!

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